La confianza

A few weeks ago, I interpreted for a patient's husband to get his taxes done for free at the nearby community center.  It was a super complicated return because he wanted to claim his ex-wife and children whom he supports in Mexico, and since he didn't have everything he needed, I suggested that he return the following Saturday morning.  However, my patient seemed frustrated.  She kept asking if they were just offering to do his taxes for free so they could take a cut of the money from his return, and when I said no, I'm pretty sure she assumed he'd still get less of a return.  I explained that the community center existed solely to help people, but no matter how hard I tried, I felt like she didn't believe me.  Of course, this may have been made worse because my knowledge about taxes is very minimal even in my native language, never mind in my second language.  And she had just paid to get her taxes done at H&R Block, so maybe she had the "you get what you pay for" attitude.  Granted, it's not like them paying for him to get his taxes filed elsewhere was a problem for anyone at the community center, but I still felt badly when the couple didn't return the following week.

I tend to be a very trusting person.  I usually give people the benefit of the doubt and very rarely am I incorrect in trusting the people around me.  However, I also haven't been taken advantage of for my entire life.  I haven't sat on the margins of society, waiting to be fooled by TitleMax and loan sharks.

When I spent the summer of 2009 doing research in South Philadelphia, the lesson I learned over and over again is that it's important to gain a community's trust when you enter it from the outside.  I was incredibly blessed to create beautiful relationships there, many of which are still going strong.  It was only after I took the time to listen, ask questions, and just be present that I was able to start unraveling the complicated life of people who are undocumented and who live in the shadows of main-stream U.S. culture.  Slowly but surely, the rift between "us" and "them" was lessened, and I learned incredible lessons in love, solidarity, and community.

Throughout my experience with MVC so far, I've discovered another important aspect to trust.  When I first began working at Good Samaritan Clinic, I was slower than I would have liked to suggest "improvements" for the organization.  I was a new set of eyes and ears, and I wanted to learn everything I could before I passed judgment.  I think this helped me gain the trust of the steering committee, volunteers, and possibly even the patients.  Although it was sometimes frustrating for me, "Yankee" as I may be (I've learned that "Yankee" is sometimes used as a synonym for someone who is rushed and impatient), looking back it's easy to see how much those first months paved the way for where I am now with the clinic.

I hope that as I go through my adult life, I never lose sight of the importance of gaining peoples' trust.  I hope that I take the time to build the relationships, observe, ask questions, and listen, even when it seems like I'm not getting anywhere.  And I hope that I remember that this is important whether I'm entering a new community with the Peace Corps or managing a project with a large organization.

A pensar

One of the most frustrating experiences of my life occurred while I was in Guatemala in May of 2010.  I was with a group from St. Joe's in a very rural area of the country, and our main job was mixing cement.  However, nearly every day there was someone new in charge of telling us what to do, and most of the time the guy didn't have much experience with cement.  Our group had figured out the correct ratio of piedra, arena, concreto, y agua pretty early on, and since the combination of hot sun and manual labor didn't mix very well, I felt myself often getting impatient with the Guatemalan men telling us to do something different and then realizing that they were wrong.  Of course, being a silly gringa, it would have been rude of me to tell these men that I knew better than them.  And since I was only there for 10 days, the whole situation became something to laugh about and to reflect on.

Lately, I've found myself reflecting on this experience a lot, especially on how it relates to my life right now.

I am a well-educated young adult.  I am very good at thinking things through and planning accordingly.  Unfortunately, this can be a gift and a curse when it comes to working at the Good Samaritan Clinic.

My roommates and I sometimes joke that after our year with Mercy Volunteer Corps, we should just open up a road-side stand where we can do peoples' thinking for them.  After all, that is what most of our jobs come down to.

I don't ever want to talk down to people.  I don't ever want to lose sight of the many challenges that my patients have had in their lives, especially related to poverty, abuse, poor education, neglect, etc.  I've had a remarkably easy life, and I have no right to patronize people whose shoes I can never walk in.

But, at the same time, part of me really does want to tell people to just trust me because I really do think I know better.  Maybe it's an ugly thing to think that I have the gift of foresight that many people don't have, and I feel guilty for saying that, but it's the truth.

En una mitad del año

Sometime this past week, I officially hit the halfway point of my year with Mercy Volunteer Corps.  It's kind of a strange feeling; part of me feels like I've been in Savannah forever, but the other part of me feels like I just arrived.  I can't imagine not going to the Good Samaritan Clinic anymore after July 15, but at the same time I'm very much looking forward to starting graduate school in August.

Coming back to Savannah after getting a very sweet taste of Philly for New Year's was harder than I expected.  I love my life here, but it was strange to be reminded of my "other life" on Hawk Hill.  I'm not really homesick, but I certainly miss being around lots of people I love at once.

I can't even begin to fathom a point in my life when I don't live with Linda, Regina, and Mike.  Or when I will make more than $100/month.  Thoughts of paying rent, worrying about transportation and insurance, etc. seem impossibly distant.

However, I also know that I don't want to work in a clinic for the rest of my life.  I love the issue of access to health care, but I can't imagine working in the type of environment I'm in now for more than a year.

I kind of feel like I'm in limbo.  I'm trying to be present and to just enjoy my time here, but when weeks drag on and it seems like I'm on a constant treadmill, it seems much easier to think about my end date.

I've been trying to decide if I've noticed any "changes" in myself since I've been in MVC.  I've come up with a few:
-I am WAY more cynical than I used to be.
-I am significantly more interested in politics/policies and significantly less interested in religion than I used to be.
-I am becoming more level-headed in dealing with my emotions.
-I am much better now at relaxing as a reward to myself for a long day of work.

Hmm...I can only begin to wonder what the second half of my experience will bring!